Direct answer: Fatherhood reshaped how I lead a sales team. Presence beat late nights, letting my sons struggle taught me to stop rescuing my reps, and small, specific questions unlock bigger conversations than "how's it going" ever will.
I used to think success meant being the top performer: stay late, outwork everyone, rack up the wins. I did that, a lot, and I'm proud of it. But then COVID hit, the laptop stayed open, and my kids ended up in the background doing homework on the floor beside me. Everything shifted.
Presence Is the Prize
Before 2020, I saw success as staying late and proving I cared more than anyone else. Now I leave early for practices. I'm there for the games and the everyday moments that matter. In 25 years, no one at work will remember whether I sent a follow-up email at 7:12 p.m., but my son will remember I was there the day he hit his first home run. That's the kind of impact that lasts.
Let Them Figure It Out
Whether you're raising kids or leading a team, it's incredibly hard not to jump in and fix things. But growth doesn't come from being rescued, it comes from working through it. As a leader, your job isn't to have all the answers. It's to create the space where others can find their own. In our house we have three rules for sports and for life: do your best work with your best effort, be a great teammate, and have fun doing it all. That applies to a revenue team too.
The Power of Listening, Especially at Bedtime
Asking "how was school" doesn't get you far. Smaller, more specific questions like what special they had or who they played with at recess create bigger openings. The same goes for sales and coaching. People want to talk, but you have to make the conversation feel safe and specific enough to begin.
You Can't Just Coach the Star Player
Helping coach my sons' teams taught me that when everyone around a player gets better, that player gets better too. You can't build a winning team around one or two high performers. The same applies in business. If you're only investing in your top ten percent, you're leaving impact on the table.
Legacy isn't just about what you build, it's about who you become in the process and who you help others become along the way. That's how I want my team to remember me too.
Build a leadership style rooted in presence and development, not just pressure.
See Sales LeadershipFrequently Asked Questions
How did becoming a father change how this article's author leads?
Before 2020, success meant staying late and proving you cared more than anyone else. After spending more time at home, presence became the priority: leaving early for practices and games, because that's the kind of impact that lasts.
Why is it hard for leaders to let people struggle through problems?
It's hard because growth doesn't come from being rescued, it comes from working through the problem. A leader's job isn't to have all the answers, it's to create space for others to find their own.
What is the trick to getting people to open up in conversation?
Ask smaller, more specific questions instead of broad ones like how was school. Specific questions create bigger openings and make the conversation feel safe enough to begin, whether at home, in coaching, or in sales.
Why shouldn't leaders only invest in their top performers?
You can't build a winning team around one or two high performers. When everyone around a top performer gets better, the top performer gets better too. Investing only in the top ten percent leaves impact on the table.